so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
