Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My life is pants optional.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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