Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
