Can i not drive my cunt home
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
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