I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
