yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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