Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
