That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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