You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I wish i was in the wii world.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
