it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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