i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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