i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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