just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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