Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
