Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize