He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
