i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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