Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
