Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just google imaged poop.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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