Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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