Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
