i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
