had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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