Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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