I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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