I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
