never play flip cup with pint glasses
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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