jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
