Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
