hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
