so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
