He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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