i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
