Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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