Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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