i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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