right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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