Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
