he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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