Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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