reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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