Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
