yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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