she smelled like a LAN party
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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