I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
