wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
