you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm bleeding and have questions
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
