It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
this is an emotional support booty call
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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