I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
