She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
