I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think I am morally bankrupt
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
