Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
