Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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