I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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