textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize