btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
