It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
