If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
