i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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