God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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