I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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