dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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