the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
