Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
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I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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