is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
