YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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