either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
