I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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